Coping with crises, new normal, set-back, losses and Suffering
Why am I revisiting the coping process? In a life time there are many “new normal”, crisis, setback, grief and losses. I thought it is useful that I summarize what I have learnt so far.
As a human being, I find that it is not unusual to run away or deny or avoid the new normal. I must not stay in the rut, wallow in self-pity and be depressed. But to heal and quickly move on in life, I have to find a procedure to cope with the crisis.
The coping processes are:
What this means is that I have to name my pain and to acknowledge the brokenness. I must have the courage to embrace my brokenness and not deny it. Get acquainted and know more about my unique suffering. Yes I am in pain and cry over my individual sadness. Affirm my grief.
If I consider it a curse, I will be negative and I will not be able to cope with the set-back. But if I choose to see it positively, I will be seeing it under the blessing. I can then see that I needed help to actively seek the equivalent benefits from the suffering. I can then be humble enough to go to my friend and my Lord to ask for help and support.
Being human I have to pour out my unhappiness to a family member or a close friend face-to-face. I needed comfort and consolation from him. I know that he cannot help much, but I needed him to listen to my pain. The friend should not treat the out-pouring of grief as self-pity or unnecessary griping. The friend cannot do much but can always be present. This is so vital for all of us to learn---whenever we are in the presence of loss or pain, to understand and to give---by just listening!!!
Hopefully, I will listen to my heart or the still small voice or my conscience for a word or a phrase or a story. That is where I find the angel’s support and thus move to take the necessary action.
Accept the pain and quickly move on in life. Accept and don’t be depressed or stuck in a rut. Know that our life itself is the greatest gift we can give to each other---in that it is far more important for me to be who I can be for each other rather than what I can do for each other. Thus, my hope is that the fruit of my suffering would transform me to trust God more, be grateful for all of my life and be more caring, patient and gentle.
Good for me to reread appendix 15 again.
Written on 2 April 2019